John (pyro_john) wrote in xmen_journal,

John: *I still feel angry and upset and I'm scared that Kitty will want to finish with me. So I'm sitting at the piano, trying to calm down, my lighter is as far away from me as is comfortable when I'm like this. I'm not even sure I can calm down enough to start playing, so I just rest my hands on the keys and stare at them.*

Kitty: *I phase through the door of the music room so that I make as quiet an entrance as possible. Your back is to me and for a moment or two I just stand in silence waiting to see if you're going to play something or not. When I realize you're not going to, I cough lightly and wait for you to say something*

John: *I don't turn around, I just sit there and stare at my hands that rest on ivory keys.* So you came. *I'm slightly surprised about how calm my voice is, I had been expecting it to crack or waver but it didn't.* I wasn't sure you would come here, I thought you might just have other more important things to do.

Kitty: *Resisting the urge to snap at you for throwing that comment in my face, I stay quiet instead and sit down on a chair* Well I put my life on hold for you -again. *Sighing as my frustration gets the better of me* Look John, I'm not going to have a conversation with your back.

John: *I wait for a moment before turning around to look at you.* Is this better? Or do you want me to sit somewhere else? Or maybe have a different facial expression? What shall it be for the great one that has put her life on hold for me? *I look at you, holding your gaze for a moment before sighing and turning back around so that I'm no longer facing you and I put my hands back on the keys, keeping my hands perfectly still for once. I consider apologising, but I think I'm too upset to really mean it, and an insincere apology would probably just make things worse.*

Kitty: *I stare at you in shock once you've finished your angry retort and wonder what on earth I did to deserve it. Furiously blinking away any tears that are threatening to fall I reply in a slightly choked up voice* You know, I came down here to talk not to get attacked. But if that's all you're going to do then I'm leaving. *I stand up to show you that I mean what I say and wait for your answer, secretly hoping that you aren't going to send me away*

John: *I squeeze my eyes shut, I can feel the angry tears begin to form but I really don't want to cry them.* Stay. *My voice cracks slightly and I turn to look over at you for a moment before looking back at the piano. I don't want to say anything else though, because I don't want you to know how upset and angry I am.*

Kitty: *I sit back down abruptly and look over at you pleadingly despite the fact that you can't see me* I don't know what you want me to say or do. Look, I'm sorry I brought up what happened at Bobby's. *Biting my lip as I'm prone to do when I'm nervous* I didn't...I didn't mean to make you angry.

John: I know. *I turn and look over at you, blinking back tears and placing my hands on my legs.* No one means to make anybody angry. Or maybe people just don't mean to make me angry, because what was it you called me? Oh yeah, an emotionally unstable pyrokinetic. God, lets not make him angry, he might get pissed off and set some cop cars on fire! *I'm not sure how I got from being semi calm and sitting at the piano to angry ranting while standing up, hands clenched into fists at my sides and I can feel angry tears spill over but I'm too angry and upset at myself to care.*

Kitty: *Trembling slightly at the harsh words, I have no idea what to do other than sit and listen to them. The obvious anger in your voice is beginning to freak me out and I do my best to speak in a soft and quiet tone of voice* John please, I said I was sorry. I didn't really mean any of it, I swear I didn't. *I get up off my seat and walk slowly over to you until I stand next to the piano* Don't be mad, it isn't worth it.

John: Why isn't it? Why do I have to always calm down and stop loosing my temper? Aren't I allowed to be mad? Aren't I allowed to be angry? Can't I just be angry at myself? *My voice breaks on the last word and I let out a harsh sob, feeling my anger disappear slightly.*

Kitty: *I can feel my heart practically breaking at this and after a brief moment of hesitation I move forward to put my arms around you* No, you can't. Not when it makes you this unhappy and when you've done nothing wrong.

John: *I slowly put my arms around you, holding you gently.* I've done everything wrong. *I manage to get my words out between harsh, suppressed sobs. Because I really don't want to cry in front of you, although it is a little late for that.* I always do everything wrong.

Kitty: *I shake my head quickly* You've not, don't say that. *I brush away some of the tears that are now staining your cheeks before pressing little kisses to your mouth, nose and forehead* Nobody is perfect and if you were then life would be boring. *Smiling a little* Besides, I like you as you are.

John: *I smile slightly, because it's hard to be upset when you're kissing me and I nod slightly.* I just want to be perfect for you, I want to be the type of person that you deserve, someone that's a hell of a lot better than me. But I can't be, because I always end up fucking things up.

Kitty: *I shake my head again and smile weakly at you* I think I helped in messing things up this time. It wasn't all you, so don't you dare go around blaming yourself. *Sighing* And I deserve *you*. I wish you'd believe me on that one.

John: *I shake my head slightly, causing my hair to fall into my eyes, but I don't care and make no attempt to put my hair back into place.* Why do you deserve me? What's so great about me that causes you to deserve me?

Kitty: *Shrugging at the question before sitting down in your lap* Well, you have these moments where you're like, very sweet and they're special because they only happen now and then. You're so loyal too, I mean if anyone was to hurt any of your friends then you'd jump in immediately without even thinking. Not many people would. You're passionate about the things that are important to you and you always try to take the fall for me. *Smiling shyly now* And you kiss good.

John: *I smirk ever so slightly.* See, I knew it always comes down to the kissing technique. *I smile.* And all of those have bad sides to them, well, apart from the sweet one. So I'm not sure those things make me good enough for you. *I shrug though.* But I’m not going to argue with you about it today.

Kitty: *Grinning* Good because there's no point in arguing over what's simply the truth. *Hugging you tightly again I murmur quietly to you* I'm glad we talked because I hate it when we fall out.

John: I know, I hate it as well, there is nothing good about it. *I lean in and kiss you gently and then pull away and grin slightly.* Apart from possibly making up.

Kitty: *Giggling at this and grinning at you* Guess there is a silver lining to every dark cloud, after all. *Toying with the collar of your shirt * Want to go 'make up' in my room? Rogue's away studying with Bobby so we'll have it to ourselves.

John: *I smile.* That sounds like a very good idea and if she comes back then she can just go away again, can't she? *I grin cheekily before leaning in for another kiss.* Plus, it's more private than the music room. *I grin before leaning back on the piano and picking up my lighter.* Now we can go and make out, I mean make up, in your room.

Kitty: *Laughing over my shoulder as I go and opening the door from you* Freudian slip, right? *I grin happily though more over the relief I'm feeling from our argument being over than from your comment* Come on you, hurry up.

John: Yeah, of course, because I don't think of making out with you on a regular basis, no, not at all. *I grin, walking over to you and I put an arm around your shoulders.* And you're impatient, aren't you?

Kitty: *Leaning into the embrace as we walk out the door* Well we haven't kissed in like, ten seconds. That can make a girl very impatient y'know.

John: *I laugh slightly.* Oh yeah, all those ten seconds must be oh-so-hard on you. *I grin as we finally get to your room and I open the door for you and I lean in and kiss you gently before letting you actually enter the room and I pull back and smirk slightly and indicate the open door.* Ladies first.

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